Tuesday, February 12, 2008

BIG MISTAKE

Today I wanted to take some photos (finally) of all the items I want to sell in my etsy store. All my dresses and onesies were ready to go with their cute little orange tags... all I needed was Dave's nice, expensive camera to photograph them. I picked up the camera, but unfortunately, it had the wrong lens on it. I took off the wrong one, and put on the right one. Somehow it never properly snapped in place and proceeded to fall onto our hardwood ("hard" being the operative word here) and broke. We're not sure how much it's going to cost to get repaired. I felt so awful.

It seems so ironic that it happened this week. I've been working through this program to overcome my anxiety and panic attacks, and this week happens to be the session where I'm supposed to focus on being assertive and doing things on my own. I'm trying not to feel defeated about trying to use the camera on my own, and failing. I know that if a good friend had done what I did, I would tell them that it was an accident, and that it's no big deal. There are more important things in life than broken lenses. Why is it so hard to tell myself the same things? I'm trying to learn how to put less pressure on myself, and lower my expectations. I am truly a perfectionist that wants to be good at everything. I never want to make mistakes and I want everything I touch to turn to gold. And, wow, does that sound unrealistic. I've got a little... or a lot of growing to do still, but I'm making progress. And that's what matters.

8 comments:

Carol Phillips said...

I. AM. SO. SORRY. But I'm mostly really really proud of you.

Sarah S said...

dude. that sucks. BUT... I promise you will probably never do it again... AND you have been given sympathy now for all who break, mess up or totally fall flat on their face... trying to do something...

perhaps you need your own point and shoot.

love you

what WAS dave's reaction?

Carol Phillips said...

I was wondering that, too... Dave, you were a nice hubby, right? :)

Pauly said...

OUCH! So sorry, JJ, but believe me, I've done worse—like rear-ending someone on the way to the dentist one morning, totally crumpling the front end of the Mazda, and jacking up our car insurance to exorbitant heights. You need to forgive yourself just like Jesus (and David) do.

Sarah M said...

JJ - imperfections make people people. We wouldn't need God otherwise.

Brian once dropped my camera on the ground in Yosemite. Mostly I was just sad for the opportunity to take pictures lost. Things can be replaced - how you feel about yourself is what matters.

Sarah M said...

an addendum to that last comment - I must be very human because I have many imperfections ;-)

TheWinnFamily said...

Oh JJ I'm so sorry!!

DeniseMarie said...

Hi JJ,
I'm an acquaintance to both Sarah and Molly (through our mutual friend Kelly Shaw), whose blogs I check in on regularly. I've come to your site a few times via theirs to look at your adorable baby clothes. (The latest one with the cupcakes for Brennan is adorable, by the way.) For whatever reason today I just started browsing through your old posts, and noticed one in which you mention exercising regularly to help manage your anxiety. I've struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for many years and was also "prescribed" regular exercise 1/2 an hour a day to help control it. Apparently, that wasn't enough and my doctor suggested I increase to an hour a day, and that's made a huge difference (in my state of mind AND my backside!). Then I saw this post in which you mention a specific program you're doing to help with your anxiety. I just recently started seeing a new Christian therapist who specializes in helping people with anxiety and panic disorder, and already I feel that he's helping me tremendously. But if you'd feel comfortable emailing me and telling me a little bit more about this program you're doing, or were doing, I'd really appreciate hearing about it so that I can see if it's something that might help me, too. My email is dmchristensen [at] gmail.com or you can go to my blog at spaceladysplanet.blogspot.com.

Denise